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| Directed by | ||
|---|---|---|
 | Ray Cooney | |
| John Luton | |
| Starring | ||
|---|---|---|
 | Danny Dyer | John Smith |
 | Denise Van Outen | Michelle Smith |
| Sarah Harding | Stephanie Smith |
| Neil Morrissey | Gary Gardner |
| Kellie Shirley | Susie Browning |
| Christopher Biggins | Bobby Franklin |
| Lionel Blair | Cyril |
| Nicholas Le Prevost | D. S. Porterhouse |
| Ben Cartwright | D. S. Troughton |
| Derek Griffiths | PC Pulford |
| Nick Wilton | Taxi Driver |
| Jeffrey Holland | Dick Holland |
| Louise Michelle | Frances |
| Carli Norris | WPC Matthews |
| Trixie Dehaan | Bag lady's dog |
| Cliff Richard | Busker |
| Eric Carte | Man on Bus |
| Barry Cryer | Busker |
| Jeane Cook | |
| Rolf Harris | Busker |
| Brian Godfrey | |
| Vicki Michelle | Tourist |
| Dani Lynn Cooney | (as Danni Cooney) |
| Martin Cochrane | |
| John Hart Dyke | |
| Geoffrey Davies | Man in queue |
| Ian Cullen | Cameo |
| Ron Aldridge | |
| Michael Barfoot | |
| Ian Talbot | |
| Tricia Thorns | |
| Angela Graham-Jones | |
| Claire Talbot | |
| Damien Swaby | |
| Ian Masters | |
| Roger Bruce | |
| Alan Osman | |
| Jenny Seagrove | Taxi passenger |
| David Warwick | |
 | Judi Dench | Bag lady |
| Tony Rosenberg | |
| William Harry | |
| Philip Maggs | |
| Annabel Luton | |
| Dani Dyer | (as Danni Dyer) |
| Bunny Losh | |
| Molly Gray | |
| Martin George | |
| Judith Losh | |
| Tara Ward | Nurse |
| Christopher Sweeney | Police Officer |
| Russ Abbot | Hospital patient |
| Jacki Piper | Nurse |
| Nicky Henson | Hospital patient |
| Tom Siracusa | |
| Philip York | |
| Marguerite Porter | Lady in Hospital |
| Jan Waters | |
| Gill Snow | |
| Bernard Cribbins | Hospital patient |
| Jann Gill | |
| Anthony Verner | (as Tony Verner) |
| Gillian McBarnet | (as Gill Cribbins) |
| Stewart Vaughan | |
| Ray Lonnen | |
| Richard Briers | Newspaper Seller |
| David Janson | |
| Ann Davies | (as Ann Briers) |
| Diane Vaughan | |
| Brian Murphy | Allotment man |
| Gary Turner | |
| Marcia Warren | Woman on seat |
| Jackie Clarke | Police Officer in Finsbury |
| Jonathan Easton-Crouch | |
| Linda Hayden | |
| Jean Fergusson | Exercising woman |
| Linda Regan | Gardener |
| June Whitfield | Exercising woman |
| Paul Elliott | |
| Maureen Lipman | Exercising woman |
| Anita Graham | |
| Pamela Cundell | War widow |
| Royce Mills | Man in Church Hall |
| Katy Manning | Exercising woman |
| Judy Buxton | Exercising woman |
| Jennifer Wilson | |
| Linda Dixon | (as Linda Cooney) |
| Helen Cotterill | |
| Pam Bannister | |
| Liza Goddard | Exercising woman |
| Carole Todd | |
| Jennifer Hill | |
| Veronica Strong | |
| Lynette McMorrough | |
| Helen Gill | |
| Su Pollard | Shopkeeper |
| Abi Harris | |
| Andrew Sachs | Clumsy waiter |
| Jan Hunt | |
| Lucy Fleming | Cafe Customer |
| Brian Peck | |
| Derek Fowlds | Man in hat |
| Peter Blake | Man reading newspaper |
| Anne Rogers | Lady with Sandwiches |
| Simon Williams | Cafe customer |
 | Robin Askwith | Bus Driver |
| Mark Wingett | Man outside cafe |
| Sally Green | (as Sally Palmer) |
| Sylvia Syms | Hip operation woman |
| Donald Sinden | Man on bus |
| Carolyn Lyster | Lady with Cakes |
| Finty Williams | |
| Wendy Craig | Nanny |
| Geoffrey Palmer | Man on toilet |
| Tilly Witz | |
| Lynda Baron | Nurse |
| Francis Matthews | |
| Alan Williams | |
| Beryl Evans | (as Beryl Thornton) |
| Maggie Bourgein | |
| Rona Anderson | |
| Lynn Williams | |
| Frank Thornton | Man getting off bus |
| Bill Pertwee | Man on bus |
| Tony Britton | Man on Bus |
| Annie Bourgein | |
| James Barber | |
| Jane Britton | |
| Jane Shepperd | |
| Wanda Ventham | Woman on bus |
| Annie Bond | |
| Betty Chapman | |
| Barry Burnett | |
| Michael Cochrane | Man on Bus |
| Timothy Carlton | |
| Jennifer Daniel | |
| Belinda Carroll | Lady on Bus |
| Carol Hawkins | |
| Peter Charlesworth | |
| Derren Nesbitt | Man on bus |
| Carmel Cryan | |
| Moray Watson | Man on Bus |
| Louise Jameson | Receptionist |
| Richard Bromley | |
| Gareth Leighton | |
| Timothy West | Man in pub |
| Emma Vansittart | |
| Prunella Scales | Woman at pub |
| David Vanatti | |
| Isobel Davis | |
| Giles Watling | Man in Pub |
| Gareth Marks | |
| Dennis Ramsden | |
| Christine Russell | |
| Sophie Hiller | |
| Jess Conrad | Piano player |
| Tom Conti | Actor |
| Les Dennis | Man on street |
| Noel Edmonds | Man in shop |
| William Gaunt | Man on bus |
| Vernon Kay | Plate-spinning man |
| Jeff Leach | Thief in shop |
| Yvonne Quenet | Cameo |
| Pat Sharp | Man in flat |
| Dennis Waterman | Minding person |
| Ray Cooney uncredited | You think that's funny? man |
United Kingdom release date: 14th February 2013
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